She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
