he puts the penis in happiness.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
