fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
