soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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