Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
