great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
