i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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