I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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