Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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