smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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