Jerry, you need to find god
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I want to fling myself into the sun
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
