you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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