I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
