I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i think i have herpe
just one?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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