I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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