Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
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He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
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Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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