honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
