meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
