I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
