Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
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He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
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There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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