It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
