I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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