i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
