While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
