We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
