you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
