hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
