why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
