She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
