Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
