I can text with my tongue
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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