I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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