youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
