Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i think my mom watched the whole time
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
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