Can i not drive my cunt home
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
