His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
