the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Life without a bra equals bliss.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
