she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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