and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
