My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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