Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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