you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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