Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
People in love make me want to vomit
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
