just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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