If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
