you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
