I want to have your abortion
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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