I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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