She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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