you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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