I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
