the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
