I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
