My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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