I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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