either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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