i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
