Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize