Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
