Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
