paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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