i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
