we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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