Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
