Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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