he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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