I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
