Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There r osticjed everywhere
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
