I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
