she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
