Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
