I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
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i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize