Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Life without a bra equals bliss.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
